Welcome back to my 3-part series on finding purpose after a layoff and burnout. When we last left my story, I was denied unemployment benefits in December 2022, I started a new job and appealed my unemployment denial in January 2023, and I was figuring out how I would get out of my lease and someday become a digital nomad.
When I was still unemployed, it was a dark time. I was living in a new state, in an apartment I could no longer afford. I didn't know how or when I would be able to secure a full-time job.
I felt alone, frustrated, and defeated.
I felt like I wasn't in control of anything going on in my life, and everything I touched, it seemed to have the opposite effect of the Midas touch - it seemed to turned to shit instead of gold. I was at the mercy of an unemployment office who threatened to hold back benefits if you do one thing wrong and you are made to feel like a criminal in the process. I became so hypervigilant about making sure I crossed every "T" and dotted every "I" with them, and I even called them regularly to make sure I was doing everything I needed to be doing.
I also took the abrupt layoff to be a reflection on my abilities as an employee, and as a person. So many thoughts went through my head. How could I have done all this work to improve myself, my living situation, and my career path, but then somehow it all went to shit in less than four months? What's wrong with me that I'm not a good enough or in-demand employee for this, or any, employer? Am I really just that bad of an employee and other employers would "tolerate" me because I was just a warm body in the position?
Paris Trip
Just before I started my new job, I was scheduled to go on a trip to Paris in January with a friend. We had been planning it for several months -- long before I moved to Virginia. I was worried that, given the circumstances, I wouldn’t be able to go.
However, after a lot of thought, I decided that I really needed this trip after everything that I had been dealing with personally and professionally. I couldn’t back out now.
All I will mention here is that it was a welcome respite from the chaos going on in my life at the time, and I’m so grateful that I had the opportunity to go.
Work Trip to Maryland and an Unexpected Surprise
As I prepared to start my new position for an airline in Roanoke and a week of training in Maryland, I knew this was not the most ideal situation for me, but I had to take it because it was a job, and I didn't want to lose out on any benefits I was entitled to.
Being a night owl, I was not looking forward to the prospect of waking up at 4:15am-4:30am and driving two hours round trip to the office in Roanoke in the dark. But at the time, I was lucky to have a job that was somewhat close to Lynchburg. And ironically, those early morning commutes actually turned out to be to my advantage later on in the story.
So I returned from Paris, ready to start my new job. I arrived in Maryland, checked into my hotel, and started training the next morning. Then I noticed around mid-week, I was feeling sniffly and just not right. Something was off. I wasn't able to taste my food or smell anything. I suspected that I may have been exposed to mold somewhere, but I wasn't certain, of course. (I learned several years ago, I can't be exposed to mold of any kind. I can't even consume moldy foods like blue cheese. It weakens my immune system to the point where, if there's even a small cold or sniffle going around, I'll catch it.) But I thought, "Meh, it's not a big deal. It's just a mild cold from a possible mold exposure. I'll be fine."
However, by that time, I was also having cold and flu-like symptoms in addition to losing my sense of smell and taste, so I went to urgent care just to double check.
Spoiler: I wasn't fine.
It was confirmed. I had COVID.
I was so confused. I got vaccinated. I try to stay healthy enough and keep my immune system high, and I've successfully avoided it up until this point. How could I have caught it? And on top of everything else going on, why now?
I couldn't go back into work until I tested negative. I was stuck in that hotel room in Maryland, alone, not knowing what to do because I was too sick to go back into work and I was still positive for COVID. I didn't know how long mine would last. Would it be 7-10 days or longer? I didn't want to just sit around in a hotel and not even be able to enjoy the place I was visiting.
I didn't know what to do. So in my "infinite wisdom" -- don't try this at home -- I decided to drive myself back to Lynchburg until I could get better and restart training. I won't get too detailed about my symptoms, but it was enough to make me feel very sick, but somehow still "productive" enough to drive myself back to my apartment, alone. Strangely enough, unless I'm bedridden, I can actually be the most productive person when I'm sick. And apparently, it also caused me to make questionable decisions, like driving myself the nearly six-hour drive back home to wait out the COVID.
So take the struggles I was already having with unemployment, and then somehow, I end up catching COVID too. It just seemed like the bullshit and stress were escalating and it wouldn't stop just for a minute for me to even start processing it. I became more depressed, frustrated, and defeated. And at this point, I became more hypervigilant, wondering when the next shoe was going to drop. Because it felt like "of course" another shoe was going to drop. It just seemed never ending.
I was continuing to doubt myself and my abilities. I wondered how things went so wrong and why I deserved to get COVID on top of everything else. It seemed like I was being punished for trusting what I thought was my intuition and I couldn't understand how I got it so wrong.
Luckily, I had some friends who were aware of my situation that reached out to me during that time, which I was so grateful for. Even just a quick hello, joke, or FaceTime went a long way. But the reality was, they were thousands of miles away. In a lot of ways, it felt like I was going through this experience alone, and I had to be the one to pull myself out of this funk.
Returning to Maryland and Ocean Therapy
When the COVID subsided, I returned to Maryland to complete my training. The training itself was uneventful, but I looked forward to my last full day there because I wanted to drive over to Ocean City to see the beach.
It may have been early to mid February when I was there, but the weather was unseasonably warm, maybe high 60s, low 70s. The water probably wasn't warm enough for swimming, but I still walked around the beach.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but as a water sign, Cancer, anytime I'm around a body of water, from a small stream to the ocean, I just feel at peace, energized, and my creativity starts to flow. Nature has an interesting way of recharging you right when you need it.
That Morning Commute
4:00am has never been my ideal time for functioning in any capacity. In my mind, the only times I'll ever be awake that early is because I'm either catching a flight or I'm still awake from the day before.
But this time, I wasn't catching a flight -- I was commuting to work. I'm not sure if you can relate to this, but sometimes you can put yourself on autopilot where you can still do all the functions of driving in a safe way, but you don't necessarily remember how you got there. That's kind of how it was for this drive.
This ended up working in my favor because that meant the part of my brain that's spent stressing and overthinking all the time was focused on something more productive. I used this time to my advantage and started planning my move out of Virginia.
So during my commutes, I would be listening to a power songs playlist to pump me up for the day and get the juices flowing for planning my next steps. I decided the best thing to do at the time was to just bide my time at this job and run out my lease because I thought it probably would have been more expensive to try to break it.
When COVID first began, I used to watch a lot of travel vlogs on YouTube and would hear a lot about digital nomads. I had no idea what that was, or where to even start to become one, but it sounded so intriguing, and I thought, "That is what I want to do." I finally found something that truly spoke to my heart and soul.
I always loved travel but I never knew I could have a job and be able to travel at the same time. I just assumed you had to have a cushy Silicon Valley tech job to be able to live a life like that. Boy, was I wrong. Since COVID, there are so many remote work options to choose from. You just need the drive, resilience, and patience to find what works best for you.
In addition to this ideal life I wanted to manifest, I also wanted to have a reset before I started really planning my travels overseas, so I figured the best place for me was to return to Pittsburgh. So in my spare time after work, I began to look up jobs and short-term rentals there. I slowly reached out to my network who was in the area. I knew if I was going to return, I would need to surround myself with supportive friends and colleagues.
So my plan was set and slowly coming together.
I spent the next several months implementing this plan and getting ready to travel overseas and start my burnout recovery journey that would last five months.
Lessons Learned
It's important to note that, in addition to a lot of struggles I was going through during this time, I was also learning valuable lessons. As I look back at this time, over two years later, I'm amazed at how far I have come since that time.
Here are eight lessons I learned from this part of the journey:
Your value and worth are not defined by temporary setbacks.
It's ok to feel lost, upset, frustrated, and defeated, especially when something stressful or traumatic happens, just know that this period is not permanent.
Taking time for yourself is crucial, especially during the tough times.
Life has a way of throwing you curveballs at seemingly the most inopportune times. Adaptability and "going with the flow" is key to navigating unexpected detours.
Find ways to ground yourself that work best for you.
It's ok to reach out to friends and loved ones for support.
Change doesn’t happen overnight.
It's never too late to pursue your dreams.
Stay tuned for Part 3 where I talk about my Pittsburgh reset and finally manifesting my trip abroad that included a yoga retreat in Bali.
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