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The Lead-Up to Burnout
In May of 2022, I left Pittsburgh, PA to pursue a job in central Virginia. If you've never been, it has the most beautiful, rolling green landscapes and the drives are spectacular, especially through the Blue Ridge Mountains. I started my new job halfway between Roanoke and Charlottesville in Lynchburg, VA. I thought this job was it. It was the highest salary I've ever earned in my life. It was going to slowly be my ticket to the life I was dreaming about as a digital nomad abroad. This job involved travel throughout central Virginia, which, for a newbie to the area and lover of travel, I wasn't complaining. I really enjoyed this part of the job. Travel has always been something I gravitated towards and has brought the most joy in my life, and I appreciated the opportunity this job gave me to travel more.
I was so excited. I moved my entire life from Pittsburgh to Lynchburg by myself because I didn't want to burden others and ask for help with that. When I arrived, I initially stayed in Airbnbs until I found an apartment about a month or so into the job. It was a large two-bedroom apartment not far from my job, literally across the parking lot and I could actually see it from my kitchen window and Juliet balcony doors in the dining room, with an in-unit washer and dryer (Renters will understand the struggle with that). I was able to work from home and use one of the bedrooms as a dedicated office. I didn't really need to go into the office that much after a while unless I needed to print something or scan documents. And I was going to be out in the field a lot, so it didn't make sense for me to have a designated desk in the office. But it was nice to go in sometimes and visit my co-workers who seemed nice at the time.
Business was booming going into the summer and early fall.
An Unexpected Meeting
By the end of September, I was called into the owner's office for an impromptu meeting. I think you can guess what type of meeting it was. I was unceremoniously informed that, while I have been a good and reliable employee up to this point, I was no longer a good fit for the company and my employment was being terminated.
I was crushed.
I was also confused because I was under the impression that I had been doing a good job. You believe you're doing fine at work, and you're even being told that by your employer, and then all of a sudden, they tell you it's no longer working for them and you are out of a job.
And I do remember being laid off once before from a job in the same industry, so I do understand that when there's a lull in the workload, there is always a possibility that the employer may start laying people off. But I seem to remember having this discussion during my job interview and was assured that, even when there's lulls, there would always be work to do. My intuition apparently wasn't buying it, because I was actually getting subtle nudges that my job might not be secure about a month or so leading up to the layoff.
But I wasn't listening.
I thought, "But I'm doing so well. They seem to like me and the work I'm doing. That nudge must be a mistake. It can't be my intuition!" So I just ignored it. And of course, my intuition ended up being spot on, as usual.
So what's usually the next step in the process? Apply for unemployment. I won't go too deep into the details of this part of the story, but it included misunderstandings, lots of unnecessary bureaucratic delays, and just being made to feel like a criminal if one small detail was not entered in properly.
It was a hassle every step of the way.
I became so hypervigilant for months about it, calling the unemployment office often to ask for updates and to make sure they received any information I submitted to them. But then my frustration and stress got the better of me and it caused me to slip up once or twice, and I just flat out refused to apply for jobs on one or two of the weeks because I was just severely burned out from the entire process and I was just done with it. I was afraid for so long that I wouldn't be approved for benefits over even one small technicality. I didn't know how right I would be about that, but we'll come back to that in a moment.
Finding Solace Amidst Chaos
I just want to pause for a moment amidst all of this stress, frustration, fear, self-doubt, burnout, and just the feeling of utter defeat, and mention something positive that came from this experience. During this time, I found solace in nature, especially through some of the simplest things, like a sunset, a hike at a local park, a scenic overlook, or just my periodic six to eight hour drives back and forth to Pennsylvania through beautiful scenery to visit family and friends just so I wouldn't feel so alone.
One such example was an overlook I found near Afton, VA, which isn't the one you'd see if you searched on Google Maps. To get there, take Exit 99 off I-64 towards Route 250 East. It's less than a half mile east, near the Rockfish Gap Entrance of Shenandoah National Park and the North End entrance of the Blue Ridge Parkway. While it was an easy drive from my apartment in Lynchburg, maybe 1 hour and 15 minutes away, somehow, it was a world away from the chaos and stress of being stuck in my apartment. In Lynchburg, I was alone, unemployed, staring at the walls of my now-ridiculously expensive apartment, still able to see my former employer's office from my kitchen window. Not somewhere I wanted to be residing anymore.
I loved stopping at this overlook, even if it was just for five minutes, enjoying the gorgeous scenery of the mountains and the feeling of the wind going by. For these brief moments, I could just stop my brain from going a mile a minute. I didn't have to think about my current struggles. I could just relax, be present in the moment, and enjoy this remarkable sight. It felt like my spot that "no one else knew about" because they were likely stopping at another overlook off I-64 instead just up the hill. I was so grateful to find this place, even if I only was able to truly enjoy it for a short time. I still miss being able to visit this spot sometimes.
During my long drives back and forth to Pennsylvania, I also found solace through listening to music or audiobooks from the library to pass the time while enjoying the magnificent scenery of four states, including Virginia and Pennsylvania, of course, but also West Virginia and Maryland. (For a list of audiobooks I listened to on these scenic drives, check them out at the end of the blog.)
The Decision from Unemployment
Then after months of silence and waiting, a decision finally came from the unemployment office through the regular mail in December 2022 -- I was denied benefits over a technicality and my misunderstanding of the law at the time.
I felt frustrated, defeated, afraid of what was coming next and wondering when the next shoe would drop, just so burned out from the process, and frankly, disappointed in myself for letting this happen. It was my fault that I listened to what felt like an energetic pull to leave Pittsburgh and take this job. It was my fault that I wasn't a good enough employee that they had to let me go. And seriously? I have a Master's degree! How could I have been so stupid that I couldn't even interpret some legal jargon to fill out a simple form correctly. It didn't help that I had no network of people locally who I could reach out to for support.
I felt so alone, but I'm also so grateful to a select few friends who did reach out to me during that time in their own ways. In spite of all this, even though I was denied benefits, I still had to keep moving forward somehow and continue applying until I found a job because I felt like I had no other options. So I did.
In January 2023, I officially filed an appeal and hired a pro-bono attorney to help me with my case because I wasn't about to make anymore mistakes with this process. By this time, I had also started a new position in Roanoke. I took a paycut of 50% for this position and my commute was two hours roundtrip. I was not sure how I'd make ends meet with the new salary, but it was better than zero while I waited for unemployment to be straightened out. My night owl self was not happy about waking up at 4am so I could leave the apartment by 4:45am. But my morning drives to work ended up being a lifesaver for me as I started using that time to plan my next steps forward and run out my lease in Virginia.
So what happened next when I started this new position in Roanoke? How do I get from there back to Pittsburgh and finally to my yoga retreat in Bali? Stay tuned for Parts 2 and 3.
Recommendations for Your Journey
Books
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by: Elizabeth Gilbert - https://amzn.to/4bEiBu4
I read this book while I was stuck at the apartment. She inspired me to embrace my creativity and authenticity and have the courage to trust myself and my abilities.
Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone by: Eric Klinenberg - https://amzn.to/3yRZCO1
This is one of three books I listed to in the car while driving back and forth to Pennsylvania while I was still on unemployment. It's an interesting case study for living alone and something I've been reflecting on for some time. It's not necessarily directly related to my story, but it's an interesting book that I recommend.
Start Something That Matters by: Blake Mycoskie - https://amzn.to/4bZhZiv
Loved this book. This was another audiobook read in the car. If you're a budding entrepreneur with a service-based business and need some encouragement, this is one of those books that will inspire you to keep following your dreams.
Eat, Pray, Love by: Elizabeth Gilbert - https://amzn.to/3V98XJ7
You knew this one was coming! Haha. I also listened to this audiobook in the car on one of my drives to Pennsylvania. I have to admit, I saw the movie years ago before I read the book, and while I thought the movie was ok, it didn't hit a chord for me at the time because I just wasn't in a place to appreciate it yet. It finally struck the right chord with me when I started listening to it on the car ride.
For me, it’s one thing to just read an author’s words — it’s another to listen to them telling their own story, and a lot of times, I personally prefer to listen to the audiobook. I’m not a big reader unless the author really pulls me in, and Liz Gilbert is just one of those authors - and the audiobook of her classic memoirs is no exception.
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